Harry Potter's Rubbish Day
by Dreamer Boy
Summary: Harry Potter wakes up in a bad mood and lives the worst day of his life.


**A very silly Harry Potter parody. I don't think it's that good. I'll let you decide.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. It belongs to J. K. Rowling.**

* * *

It was the start of a new day in Hogwarts. Harry Potter was still asleep in bed. Ron, who already up and dressed, came over to Harry's bed to wake him up. "Come on, Harry!"

"Oh, man, you're so pretty!" Harry moaned in his sleep.

"Well, I'm glad you think I am, but-"

Harry opened his eyes and scowled at Ron. "No, you moron! I wasn't talking about you! I was talking about Ginny!"

"Oh, well, I think you'd better get up. We have potions class."

"Sod off! I'm going back to sleep to dream about Ginny." Harry closed his eyes. "So tell Snape to get stuffed!"

Ron pulled out his wand. "Incendio!" He cried, and fire shot out of his wand at the bed sheets.

Harry jumped up out of bed in fright and stared at the burning sheets. "Holy crap!"

"You'd better tell him yourself," said Ron.

"Alright, alright," grumbled Harry. "But you'd better not piss me off today."

So they left - leaving the blanket to burn in the boys dormitory...

They met Hermione in the common room. She smiled brightly at them. "Good morning, boys."

"Morning, Hermione," replied Ron with a smile.

"Screw you!" snapped Harry angrily.

"Whoa, calm down," replied Hermione, feeling taken aback. "What's with you?"

"I'll tell you what's with me! A muggle-born bitch and an ugly prat, that's what's with me right now."

"Oh, get stuffed, Harry," grumbled Ron. "C'mon, let's go to potions class. Snape will be waiting.

"Let that grumpy old git wait," snapped Harry. "Let's go there slowly, just to piss him off."

"So if we can piss Snape off, we can piss you off to?" Ron asked, only to be rewarded by Harry back-handing him, giving Ron a mark on his cheek as red as his hair. Ron rubbed his cheek and swore under his breath.

* * *

As Harry, Ron and Hermione started to walk slowly down the staircase, it changed direction all of a sudden.

"What the bloody hell?" retorted Harry. "Why the hell is the blooming staircase changing direction?"

"Harry, why are you surprised at this?" asked Hermione, starching her head (because of an itch that was bugging her, not because she was confused). "You should know by now the Hogwarts staircases do this."

"Yeah, but what is the point?! We wanna go somewhere, and the staircases change and lead you to another direction! Why would they do that?!"

"Maybe just to piss you off," muttered Ron quietly. "Not that you aren't already pissed off."

* * *

After having to cope with the staircases constantly changing, Harry, Ron and Hermione arrived at potions class ten minutes late. Snape was very annoyed. "Where the hell have you three been until now, you scruffy trio?"

"Calm down!" Harry snapped back. "It's only ten minutes, you ugly old goat."

"WHAT WAS THAT, POTTER?!" Snape bellowed.

Harry was about to repeat what he said when Hermione spoke over him. "He said the stomach of a goat! He's finally worked out where a bezoar comes from. Remember when you asked him where a bezore comes from during our first year?"

Snape eyed the three students suspiciously. "Take your seats - and shut up!"

Harry, Ron and Hermione sat at their desks. Snape turned his back on them and Harry stuck his middle finger up to him.

Snape began speaking out exactly what he had told the students in their first potions class. "I can teach you how to bewitch and ensnare the senses."

"You told us that the first year," muttered Harry through gritted teeth. "Call yourself a teacher? You can't even keep your memory. No wonder you never got the defence against the dark arts job."

Snape heard none of this. "I can tell you how to bottle fame, brew glory, even put a stopper in death."

"Ooh, I could punch you on the nose," Harry growled quietly. "I could kick your butt, you hideous son of Frankenstein."

"Hey, Potter!" came a rude voice. Harry looked to his right to see Draco Malfoy, who had heard everything Harry muttered, sneering at him. "You're sounding a bit on the aggressive side? Turning into a chav, are you?"

"Piss off, you son of a witch bitch."

"POTTER!!!" Snape spun round, having heard Harry's remark. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!"

"You heard! But was I talking to you – you idiot?!"

All the class being remarking to each other at what Harry was saying to Snape. Snape's eyes widened, then he scowled. "Ten points from Griffindor!"

"I don't give a crap!"

"Twenty points!"

"What did I just say?!"

"Fifty points!"

"Read my lips: I...DON'T...GIVE...A...CRAP!!!"

"You're setting a bad reputation to the name of Godric Griffindor, Potter!"

"TO HELL WITH GODRIC GRIFFINDOR!!!" Harry bellowed. All the class - even the Slitherin students - gasped in shock and surprised.

Snape scowled. "That's it, get out of my sight, Potter!"

"You don't tell me what me what to do!"

"I do! I'm your bloody teacher! You can't talk to me like that!"

"I am the famous Harry Potter. I triumphed over Lord Voldemort! So if I wanna talk to a to the hideous son of Frankenstein like this, I will!"

Snape was now fuming. He ran towards Harry's desk, preparing to grab him by the neck. But Harry was ready for him. As Snape headed for him, Harry stood up. Then when Snape reached him and was about to grab him, Harry kicked Snape hard in the ankle.

Snape howled out in pain and crumpled to the floor, clutching his ankle, as Harry turned and ran out of the dungeon, watched by all of the bemused students, who didn't bother to ask Snape if he was alright.

* * *

Later that afternoon, all the students were in the Great Hall, sat around the long tables, eating dinner.

Harry had just finished his meal and set his empty plate down, when it suddenly refilled itself. "What the hell?"

"Yes, Harry, the plate just refilled itself," exclaimed Ron. "I understand you've forgotten that the plates in Hogwarts refill themselves, just like the stairs of Hogwarts change direction."

"BUT WHAT IS THE BLOODY POINT?!" Harry bellowed, exactly as he had done about the stairs. "I don't want anymore food, so what is the point in the plate refilling itself?! My fat slob of a cousin, Dudley, would want it to refill, because he's a greedy pig. But I'm not."

Just then, Harry heard a soft croaking down by his feet. He looked under the table and saw a frog by his feet.

"A chocolate frog," he exclaimed. "I could squeeze that in."

He reached out and grabbed the frog in his hand. He came out from under the table and sat up. Harry then opened his mouth and shoved the frog into his mouth. He closed his mouth, and then hesitated. The frog felt very slimy instead of chocolaty inside his mouth. Was there something wrong with it?

Harry shrugged and began chewing. Then a disgusted look crept across his face. The frog certainly didn't taste like chocolate. It tasted real. Harry had a horrible taste of slime, blood and organs inside his mouth. He kept chewing regardless, not enjoying it one bit.

Finally, Harry managed to finish chewing and swallowed it. The disgusted look remained on his face as he turned to Ron. "What the hell have they done with chocolate frogs? Have they done a new recipe to make them taste real, as well as act real?"

As Ron shrugged, Neville appeared on the other side of the long table and pointed at Harry, an alarmed look on his face. "Harry! What have you done?"

"Er, I just ate a chocolate frog, Neville. Mind you, it didn't taste like chocolate, it tasted-"

"Harry!" Neville interrupted. "That wasn't a frog! That was a toad! And it wasn't a chocolate toad either! It was _my_ toad - Trevor!"

Harry's jaw dropped. He was shocked at the fact he had just eaten a live toad. He put his hand to his stomach, began to make groaning noises, and then he threw up all over Ron.

"Yuck!" exclaimed Ron.

* * *

As the sun began to set, Harry began to take a walk through the Hogwarts grounds. He was very annoyed. It just hadn't been his day. He decided a long walk in the sunset would cheer him up.

Unfortunately, a certain Slytherin student who was standing nearby with his two idiotic sidekicks proceeded to anger him more. "Hey, Potter! Did you enjoy having Longbottom's toad for dinner?"

"I've told you before, Malfoy," scowled Harry. "Piss off! Your memory is as bad as Snape's."

"Nah, there's something wrong with your head," sneered Malfoy. Crabbe and Goyle snickered.

Harry just turned his back on them and walked away. But Malfoy, wanting more attention from him, quickly pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harry. "Expelliarmus!"

The spell shot out of Malfoy's wand, straight at Harry and knocked him off his feet, landing on his front. Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle proceeded to laugh.

Harry picked himself up and spun around angrily. But before he could do anything else, Malfoy pointed his wand out at him again. "Locomotor Mortis!"

The spell shot at Harry's legs and locked them together. Harry arms swayed to keep his balance, but it was no use, and he fell to the ground.

Malfoy laughed. "I may not be any better than Snape - but you're no better than Longbottom!"

Harry managed to struggle to his locked together feet. He hoped on them over to Malfoy, struggling to keep his balance.

Malfoy sneered at him. "What ya gonna do, Potter?"

Harry scowled, then suddenly, without warning, he lashed a fist out, punching Malfoy hard on the nose.

Malfoy shierked in pain. Blood trickled out of his nose, which made Crabbe and Goyle cry out. Holding up his nose, Malfoy ran off. "My father will hear about this!"

"And I'll give him a nose bleed too!" Harry called after him. Then, still trying to keep his balance, looked at Crabbe and Goyle. "You want some too?"

"No, no! Please no!" Crabbe and Goyle whimpered in fear and unison

"Good. Now piss off." And Harry fell to the ground again as Malfoy's two cowardly sidekicks ran off in fright.

* * *

Later that night, Harry was walking with Ron up the staircases to the Griffindor common room. Ran had found Harry on the ground and had preformed the Counter Curse to unlock his legs.

The came to the Fat Lady. "Password?" She asked.

"Piss off," replied Harry. The Fat Lady glared at him.

Ron smiled uncomfortably. "Er, he means 'Cauldron cakes'."

The Fat Lady's portrait opened up, and Harry and Ron disappeared into the Griffindor common room and began to make their way up the stairs to the boys' dormitory.

"I tell you, Ron," muttered Harry. "I've had a crap day. All I want is a good night's sleep."

The boys made it to the top of the stair - then stopped. Their jaws dropped in horror.

The boys' dormitory was up in flames. Fire was spreading across the room and smoke was pouring everywhere.

"Holy crap!" cried Harry. He turned to Ron and frowned, "This is your fault. You're the one who set fire to my bed sheets. You stupid idiot! You-"

Before Harry got any further, Ron, who was now feeling very frustrated and annoyed, pulled out his wand and pointed it at Harry. "AVADA KEDAVRA!!!"

The spell shot from his want and hit Harry in the chest. Harry clutched his chest, fell to the floor and lay still.

Ron gazed at him for a few seconds, then realised what he had done. "Oh crap!"

He picked up Harry's body and struggled down the stairs with it. "I'll tell everyone he died in the fire."

Ron came back down the stairs with Harry's body and into the Griffindor common room, where Hermione and Ginny were. They looked up and gasped when they saw Harry's dead body.

"The boys' dormitory is on fire!" cried Ron. "And Harry was caught in it! I tried to save him but..." He looked down at Harry, pretending to be sad.

"Ron, why are you sad?!" snapped Hermione. "He's been a right old git today. Voldemort should have finished him off when he was a baby. I'm glad he's gone."

"Well, I'm not!" Ginny whimpered, being to cry. "I had a crush on him - and now I'll never be with him. I loved you, Harry Potter!"

Just then, Neville appeared. "Hey Ginny, you wanna join me for a butterbeer?"

"Sure!" Ginny stopped crying and went to join Neville.

Hermione approached the stairs to the burning boy's dormitory. "I'll go put the fire out." She turned to Ron. "But you should have killed him yourself, Ron."

As Hermione ran up the stairs to the boys' dormitory, Ron sighed. "If only she knew." He turned to Harry's body and smirked. "Still, no more aggressive behaviour from you. G'night, Harry Potter."

* * *

**Well, that's that. Hope you've enjoyed it and found it funny.**

**See ya! **


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